How far along are you?
How are you feeling?
Well, this is the first week I’ve been a little off. I struggled with sharing this ‘online’ but I think it’s great to be transparent – especially when you are posting on a regular basis so that viewers aren’t swayed by the ideas of ‘perfection’ or happiness-all-the-time in photos or blog posts.
After a super huge dinner out with my best friend (we went to Earls and then to the Ballet which was AMAZING), I came home and just felt physically stuffed to the brim. I’m talking like Christmas turkey with the insides busting at the seams stuffed. It was late so I wanted to go to bed. I got changed, brushed my teeth and then went to lay down. As soon as I put my head on my pillow, I felt a lot of pressure under my rib cage and on my heart – I was in a fair amount of pain. It sort of felt like they couldn’t get enough air. It was pretty awful.
I didn’t mention anything to Nate right away because I didn’t want him to freak out, so I went downstairs to try to just walk it off around the main floor. That’s when I started to panic and it spiralled into a small anxiety attack that lasted for a few hours.
So, I woke Nate up about an hour into it and he was worried because I was kind of loosing my mind. I was tired and just panicked that the feelings weren’t going away and I still had ‘X’ amount of weeks left. I felt like I couldn’t ‘do this pregnancy thing anymore’ etc, etc,etc. Eventually, I had to take a walk outside because I was feeling claustrophobic in my own living room.
Eventually what settled me down were a few things:
1)Talking it out with both myself and Nate.
4) A Mantra – I just kept repeating over and over “I’m a strong, healthy, confident women and I’m fine”.
5)Visualization – I imagined a group of ‘Super Kates’ that were literally physically fighting off negative/scary thoughts that were entering my head with their swords, guns, fists – any ‘bad idea’ that came into my head was violently attacked by these girls that were crazy bad ass chicks that looked like me. I don’t know why, but this really helped. If felt like I had a mini nasty chick group on my side fighting for me.
6) Five Senses – this is a technique that I learned for a very smart woman
-What are five things you can immediately see around you?
-What are four things you can immediately touch around you?
-What are three things you can immediately hear around you?
-What are two things you can immediately smell around you?
-What is one thing you can immediately taste?
7) Surprisingly, the kids! At around 4:00 am, I went into each of the kids rooms to just watch them sleep for a while. So peaceful and perfect and just their breath helped calm me down. It also helped me remember why I was and wanted to be pregnant in the first place – for the precious gift that comes after the hardships.
It was a very long night and I barely slept. The following day, I was panicked about having another panic attack so I was in a really strange head space. I definitely did NOT feel like myself and everything around me didn’t feel ‘normal’. Almost like I was worried I wouldn’t be able to control my thought patterns if I were to feel those physical sensations again. Just really terrifying and weird…
Luckily, I’ve been working hard at eating properly throughout the day (rather than overeating huge meals – esp at night) and I have worked out every single day this week which has totally elevated my spirits and mood and crushed some of that anxiety. Last night, I slept pretty well so I’m hoping for another good night tonight.
Any weight gain?
2 pounds this week putting me at 132 pds.
Just the very unwelcome anxiety I have been experiencing. BUT management is key and I’ll be doing everything I can to avoid another occurrence.
I’m hoping it will be on the up and up.
I let it slip with both my Mom and then a few days later with my Dad and then I told one of my sister-in-laws (Laura) who also told me one of her secrets (we are two weeks apart in our pregnancies) so I think it might be time to let the cat out of the bag for our families…
Not this week.
Do you miss anything?
Yes – I have missed my non-pregnant body this week for the simple fact of comfort. I always forget how physically hard it can be to be pregnant.
It WILL be better.
Everyday! I do 30 minutes in the morning and I am totally addicted. I hope to keep it up throughout the rest of the pregnancy.
Best moment this week?
The ballet with my best friend Jenny.
What are you excited about? I can’t lie – Shopping.
I’ll be posting another set of Hawaii pictures later on today. Hope you have a fabulous week everyone!